Considering "If Only"

Consider this: How many times have you said "I'd do this if only.."?

"If only" holds us back. (Click to tweet!)

I'm going to use myself as an example, but I think it would be a good exercise for anyone. I'm picking three things that I have wanted to do on a more consistent basis, allowing my mind to supply the 'if onlys', and then finding a way around them. Who knows, it could benefit or motivate you (or myself, honestly) to get out there and do that thing. Here goes!

I'd like to continue my writing career
if only.. I knew how to finish my stories (I've always been awful at ending things, whether it be a letter, an essay, a conversation, a visit, or a novel). Sometimes I think I've reached an end, but I feel I haven't wrapped everything up, and then I keep going. This resulted in my first novel (unpublished) having 3 different points that felt like an ending. And then I did an epilogue. That story requires rewriting. My current story ended, but then I realized that my main character had next to no character development. The chapters rotated between viewpoints of different people in the group, and so much of it was about her.. but not from her. I realized that this mirrored something in society and I grabbed ahold of the idea so fast that new characters were introduced and the previous ending became somewhat of a halfway point.. and I don't know how far it's going to go! The only solution I can think of for things like these is to brainstorm, to plot, to outline... or just to write until I can't write anymore, and then choose a proper ending point in the editing process. I suppose that would be a question I'd have to ask an experienced writer.

if only... I personally had a more diverse background. I have two themes of darkness that I can write around, because I have experience with them. There are so many more I want to cover, so many different stories. But I fear they couldn't ring as genuine. What can I, a lower middle class white woman, know about the experiences of a young girl fleeing Mexico, or someone living in the ghetto, or a revolutionary in the middle-east? What can I know about the life of a queer youth, a trans woman just trying to survive in this society, or even of someone who lives with a permanent disability? I desperately want to bring attention to issues such as these.. but if it isn't going to be authentic, I'd rather not. I don't think there's a solution for this one.

if only... it weren't so difficult to get an agent, to get published, to get attention for my work. I've done research, and the best option I've even seen requires paying someone (Writer's Relief) to edit my work, find me an agent, and... whatever else it is that they do for a few hundred bucks. I thought about self publishing, but at my job I heard a young man telling one of my coworkers that he put his novel on smashwords (or something like it) and he no longer has any rights to it. At all. Is it worth getting your work out there if it's no longer yours?

Okay, next wish.

I'd like to get out of the house more
if only... there was anything to do in this town. As of right now, the most exciting places I ever go are the mall and the movies, and those visits are rare. This is a solution I already knew about, but never put the energy into investigating. Find stuff to do. Look up parks in the area. Find a museum, an art gallery. Look for the cheesy tourist attractions. Finally visit that all-organic locally owned co-op grocery store, just to see what is there. Take a walking tour of downtown. Actually check the local news sites for events and festivals happening in the area. Visit the hippie shops on market square. These are all things I could do.. and I know there are even more. This point leads into my next one.

if only... I had friends to go out with. Right now my sole companions are my husband and his sister, and I only see her once a week. I know that I have friends. Sort of. There are friends from my previous job, some of which asked me to go out with them more than once. I almost always turned them down because they don't understand that I'm 5-7 years older than them and that's weird. But there were a few who were closer to my age. There's even one that I still talk to, though we're both shut ins. I could try to arrange going out with one of them on my 'weekend' in the middle of the week when I'm home but my hubby is at work. I could also see about hanging out with someone from my new job, but that makes me nervous because I've only worked with them about 2 months now. (Yes, I'm shy and an introvert)

If only... I wasn't so afraid of the outdoors. Don't get me wrong, I love nature and the woods and all. But there are things that have in the past made me decide it wasn't worth going out. Mosquitos love me. I sunburn very easily. I have this pseudo-fear of being sweaty and gross. The easiest solution to all this is to get over it. Sad but true, the saying applies here. I can use bug spray and sunscreen to ward off the mosquitos and sun (and maybe get a slight tan while I'm at it) and just accept the fact that it's going to be summer soon. It will be hot out. People will expect others to be sweaty. If it bothers me that much, I can shower or at least take a damp cloth and wipe off when I go inside. To encourage myself to get out more, I've been taking a walk twice a week with my husband. We usually walk this loop in the neighborhood with us that is 1.5 miles. It's nice. He's also looking at building me a garden bed. I would require gloves, but I wouldn't mind going outside if it meant the possibility of having fresh produce. :)

Okay, last one.

I'd like to do more creative things
If only...World of Warcraft wasn't so damn addictive. Yes you heard me right. I love playing WoW. Even when I get bored with one character or area, I can go play another one. If I get bored being at the top of the food chain, I can go make a level one and putter around. If I get bored fighting, I can do pet battles (similar to Poke'mon actually) or tend my farm or work on Archaeology or another trade skill. It's fun! My first solution to this is Tuesdays: Patch day. They generally close the game for most of the mornings on Tuesdays, which happens to be one of my days off. I can utilize that time for creative endeavors (or, you know, house work. Ick.) .

If only... I knew what to do. I'm rarely inspired to do much of anything anymore. My first thought is to return to deviantArt and be inspired by the community. My second thought is to look on pinterest for crafty ideas. I've seen some amazing tutorials for making your own clothes out of old clothing and they look great! I have beads in my craft box, I could make necklaces. I have tons of sketchbooks, why not utilize them? If I sit down and make a list (lists are incredibly important to me) of thing to create, I think I can do it. I only need direction.

If only... I had any skill. The only word I have for this: Practice!!

Wow, this was a bit longer than I expected it to be. The 'if onlys' I posted here are things that actually hold me back from these goals. What are your goals? Your if onlys? Your solutions? I'd love to hear if this helped anyone.. I know it's already helping me!

The Importance of Taking a Step Back

Taking a break from writing seems to be a near impossible thing for someone who loves it. I've read many different articles and blog posts advocating for the writer to stop, put down her pen, and take a step back. Surely this is unnecessary for me, I thought. I can be objective. If I take a break, I might lose it. Just like the elusive brilliant thoughts you have as you fall asleep, I could lose the voice, the momentum, the core meaning of this story if I stopped. This bit of advice struck me wherever I went and so finally I made a hard decision.

I stopped.

I didn't write for almost 3 weeks. The story was done anyway, I thought.  It was just revision, it wouldn't be so difficult to pick the strand back up. But then a few days ago I was looking through some journalling I had done last month and came across an idea. As I read the idea (which I had completely forgotten having), I could feel sensors lighting up all across my brain. My heart picked up the pace as I scrambled for a highlighter and pained half the page neon pink. Then I read it again, and again.

This was what I had been waiting for. (Click to Tweet)

With some distance to my story, I realized that I wasn't satisfied with the story. I felt like everything at the end was too rushed, everything tied up too quickly. After reading the idea I'd had and forgotten during a stream-of-thought journalling episode, I realized the story wasn't over. What had to happen next would require slight character revision, the introduction of new characters for a greater purpose, and at least ten more chapters. It wasn't enough for a sequel, but it was enough to satisfy my random dissatisfactions.

I found that taking a break was probably the best thing I could have done. I had been so ensconced in my idea of how the story was working out and what the ending was that I had completely missed this genius idea. I am simultaneously working on new chapters, character development, and going back and tweaking or inserting things when needed in early chapters.

And I've never been more excited.

Now I know that I am not as unbiased as I thought... and that's okay. No one is, when it comes to your own work. All it took for me to pick up my tone was to read through a few chapters. All of my fears were completely unfounded. Once you create something, it is familiar to you. Like the fabled bicycle that everyone remembers how to ride (except me, but that story is for another time), you cannot forget what you have birthed. It is something intimate, a part of you. By giving yourself some distance and taking a break, you're allowing yourself to recharge and come back with fresh ideas and a clear eye.

While this may be just another bit of advice telling you to stop doing what you love, I hope this one explains why in such a way that shows it isn't so scary after all.

Have you ever taken a break and come back the better (or worse) for it? Are you thinking of taking a break? I'd love to hear from you!

Endings and Beginnings

Hey there, sorry it's been a few weeks since the last post. I've been busy (sort of).
After completing NaNoWriMo, I rewarded myself by taking a week's break... which turned into two weeks. And then it was Christmas time, so it turned into three weeks. At this point I realized the year was about to end and knew that I absolutely had to finish my novel! I had reached the proper word count during November (over 50,000), but there were still ten chapters left to write. So the for the past week, that's what I've been doing.
And tonight, I finished.
It feels great having the first draft done. I know it's rough and there are a lot of things I need to fix, but the sense of accomplishment will help me to dive in and do my first readthrough with revisions. Thinking about doing that and noticing the day, I realized that it'd be a good idea to set down some New Year's Resolutions.

Of course, I never follow through with those, so I'm going to set some goals instead that I plan to accomplish in 2014. There will be several personally related ones such as breaking my energy drink habit/soft addiction and getting a better job, but I also intend to have some in regards to my writing life.

In 2014, my goal is to complete revision of this novel: Order of the Hunt. I aim for it to be ready for submissions before the end of the year, and then to begin submitting it to various places which I will be researching as well.

In 2014, my goal is to build an author's platform, an online presence, through blogging and twitter. In order to successfully do this, I will have to frequently update both of these. (Wish me luck)

I also aim to find some others who share the writing interest and become friends, companions, bitter rivals, cohorts, whatever it happens to be with that particular person. For this goal, I'll need some help. If anyone who reads this happens to be (or know) a writer who wouldn't mind being buddies, please comment or contact me via twitter.
Thanks!

Does anyone want to share their goals? If so, leave a comment, I'd love to hear them! Please enjoy your New Year's celebrations and be safe!

-Jordi

Impossible is Nothing

I've seen the phrase "Nothing is Impossible" more times than I care to count. Then, one day, I came across this image:

Impossible is Nothing.

"It's impossible to succeed in this field."

"It's impossible to find a job in this economy."

"It's impossible to become a published author."

Is it? Or is it the way you think of it? What if the way you frame your ideas about a subject is what is holding you back? (Click to Tweet)
I've seen people go out and do things that I told them were impossible or unrealistic. They surprised the hell out of me, and made me rethink my way of looking at their problems. Instead of seeing barriers, they saw problems that needed to be solved. They saw mazes to navigate. They saw obstacles to overcome.

I have a lot to learn.

I can apply this to my own life, my dream of being an author. During this National Novel Writing Month, my word count widget has fluctuated wildly from day to day. One day I only wrote 200 words. One day I wrote 4,000. Inspiration aside, the main thing that made the difference on those days was my motivation. Some days I would know that I could do anything I set my mind to, that I had something inside of me that I needed to share with the world. Other days, I felt that it was pointless. I needed to be looking for a higher paying job. I needed to watch the next season of The Walking Dead. I needed to play World of Warcraft and get another character level-capped before the next expansion. I needed to do anything else that didn't make me feel like someone chasing a dream that would never, could never, come true. 

Today I read a blog post that reminded me our lives are what we make them. Our dreams can come true, if only we set our minds to them. (That post I just linked? You should really take a minute to read it. Bianca is a phenomenal human being and a wise, kind, generous spirit. I often look to her blog for advice!)

Next time someone tells me something is impossible, I plan to look at them and say "Impossible is Nothing. I will do what you say is impossible, and then I will go further. I will go bigger. And I will succeed."

The Beginning of NaNoWriMo

National Novel Writing Month begins in an hour and a half. I sit in my lounge surrounded by candles burning low--the power has momentarily failed us once this evening already. My husband is sitting near me playing World of Warcraft, and I am thinking about my novel.

I am thinking about the hours that I will not speak to him, the times when we are talking and my eyes might glaze over as a fresh idea comes into my head. I am thinking about taking a notebook with me to work and hoping inspiration hits while I'm on my lunch break instead of when I'm terribly busy.

I am thinking that I will pick my coffee habit back up, after having only dropped it a month ago.

I am thinking, this year I will succeed. I'm going to take advantage of the last hour and a half of leisure time I'll have for awhile... and I hope you do as well.

For my fellow writers, I am going to pledge to complete this novel in one month! Who's with me?

NaNoWriMo Preparations

National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo, takes place every November. The objective is to write 50,000 words on a story--which is the minimum required word count for a novella. That's 1,667 words in a day. They don't have to be good words. The idea is not that it has to be perfect, but that you get the raw material down on the page so you can edit it later. Getting the rough draft is supposed to be the hardest part.. and having a deadline helps many people to stick to it. There are word count widgets, forums to procrastinate or give or receive advice in, and people to do 'writing wars' with. Competition can be a great source or inspiration! Those who win can buy special 'winner' goodies from the store and have the satisfaction of having a completed first draft. Of course, not everyone wins, and not everyone stops at 50,000 words. I've seen people go over 150,000 before. Talk about dedication! For most of us, it is difficult enough to fit a couple thousand words per day around our everyday lives.

That difficulty is something that prompts many people to do their own sorts of preparations for NaNo. Personally, I've been watching twitter feeds and reading articles for writers that give tips and tricks, as well as drawn on some of my own experiences to make myself a list. I'd like to share that with you now, in hopes that you may not have heard all of these ideas!

1. If you find comfort in having a layout, make one! It isn't cheating to decide which direction your story is going to take. I like to make a list of key plot points to make sure I can steer my characters in the right direction. Of course, they are often going to have their own ideas about what could happen.. and I think it best to follow their instincts over your own. But if you end up getting stuck, you can look back at your list and think of a way to get to that next point! 
2. If you don't want to do a layout, try having some writing prompts for each chapter. You could arrange these or simply have a list of them to pick what 'feels right' to help you get started with the next chapter. Who knows, it could lead you and your characters on an amazing adventure!
3. Think carefully about your characters' names. Do they seem to fit in their time and place? Their social class, ethnicity, or species? Is the name so complex that you stumble over it.. and if so, can you give them a nick name? These are things I didn't originally think were very important.. but after reading some stories with poorly named characters, I understand! Don't distract your reader with an unfitting name unless it is important to the plot or to the character's ark. 
4. Decide ahead of time what perspective you will be using. First person perspectives draw the reader in faster, but are very limited on what information the reader gets. Third person limited can jump between various characters, but limits the information the reader gets as well. I like third person omniscient because then the reader can have as much information as you are willing to show them. You can talk about the thoughts of different characters in the same scene as well as pan out and show the larger world. What your story calls for may be different each time... in fact, I've heard of people rewriting the whole thing into a different perspective. Best to save yourself the trouble and figure out what is best beforehand!
5. Go easy on yourself. Like I said above, this is supposed to be a rough draft. If you can't take the time to research some facts or are too 'in the zone' to stop, make yourself a note in brackets to check it out, then keep going. While it's a good idea to do lots of research beforehand, your characters are likely to surprise you by getting into situations you hadn't anticipated! Don't read back over what you've already written unless it's to pick up your place. You'll be tempted to edit and that will not add to your word count! 
6. Have fun! If it isn't fun, it isn't worth doing. Make sure you enjoy your novelling experience as much as possible. While it may be difficult, just think about the self satisfaction you will have at the end, and all of the raw material you will be able to work with. Schedule some milestone gifts for yourself, such as taking a break to watch a movie, having some tasty treats, or having a big celebration when you get to the end! 

Of course everyone is going to have different tips, so it's a good idea to look around and see what all you can find before crunch time. NaNoWriMo begins 2 weeks from today, so get prepping!

The Soul of a Writer

I have thought long and hard about what sort of blog I should like to have. I once made a blog dedicated to giving advice to others, but quickly realized that I had not much advice to give. The one thing that I have come continuously back to throughout my life is writing, it is the one constant in my heart.
My first dream in life was to be a ballerina and to dance on the stage of the broadway musical CATS. My second dream was to be an author. I began writing poetry and short stories in middle school and wrote constantly until I reached college. At that point I took a break from writing.. or at least I tried to. I participated in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and finished the draft of a novel in 31 days. After that, I really did take a break aside from occasionally editing the manuscript. Now that I have graduated university with a BS and have successfully married my charming and supportive husband, I've decided to give it another go.
Even during my breaks from writing, it was constantly on my mind. I would scribble story or character ideas on receipt paper, my heart would jump at the sight of unfilled notebooks, just waiting to be dedicated to a story. Now, I've pledged to take part in NaNoWriMo again and see what comes of it.
It's time to chase my dream.

What are you doing to achieve yours?