Considering "If Only"

Consider this: How many times have you said "I'd do this if only.."?

"If only" holds us back. (Click to tweet!)

I'm going to use myself as an example, but I think it would be a good exercise for anyone. I'm picking three things that I have wanted to do on a more consistent basis, allowing my mind to supply the 'if onlys', and then finding a way around them. Who knows, it could benefit or motivate you (or myself, honestly) to get out there and do that thing. Here goes!

I'd like to continue my writing career
if only.. I knew how to finish my stories (I've always been awful at ending things, whether it be a letter, an essay, a conversation, a visit, or a novel). Sometimes I think I've reached an end, but I feel I haven't wrapped everything up, and then I keep going. This resulted in my first novel (unpublished) having 3 different points that felt like an ending. And then I did an epilogue. That story requires rewriting. My current story ended, but then I realized that my main character had next to no character development. The chapters rotated between viewpoints of different people in the group, and so much of it was about her.. but not from her. I realized that this mirrored something in society and I grabbed ahold of the idea so fast that new characters were introduced and the previous ending became somewhat of a halfway point.. and I don't know how far it's going to go! The only solution I can think of for things like these is to brainstorm, to plot, to outline... or just to write until I can't write anymore, and then choose a proper ending point in the editing process. I suppose that would be a question I'd have to ask an experienced writer.

if only... I personally had a more diverse background. I have two themes of darkness that I can write around, because I have experience with them. There are so many more I want to cover, so many different stories. But I fear they couldn't ring as genuine. What can I, a lower middle class white woman, know about the experiences of a young girl fleeing Mexico, or someone living in the ghetto, or a revolutionary in the middle-east? What can I know about the life of a queer youth, a trans woman just trying to survive in this society, or even of someone who lives with a permanent disability? I desperately want to bring attention to issues such as these.. but if it isn't going to be authentic, I'd rather not. I don't think there's a solution for this one.

if only... it weren't so difficult to get an agent, to get published, to get attention for my work. I've done research, and the best option I've even seen requires paying someone (Writer's Relief) to edit my work, find me an agent, and... whatever else it is that they do for a few hundred bucks. I thought about self publishing, but at my job I heard a young man telling one of my coworkers that he put his novel on smashwords (or something like it) and he no longer has any rights to it. At all. Is it worth getting your work out there if it's no longer yours?

Okay, next wish.

I'd like to get out of the house more
if only... there was anything to do in this town. As of right now, the most exciting places I ever go are the mall and the movies, and those visits are rare. This is a solution I already knew about, but never put the energy into investigating. Find stuff to do. Look up parks in the area. Find a museum, an art gallery. Look for the cheesy tourist attractions. Finally visit that all-organic locally owned co-op grocery store, just to see what is there. Take a walking tour of downtown. Actually check the local news sites for events and festivals happening in the area. Visit the hippie shops on market square. These are all things I could do.. and I know there are even more. This point leads into my next one.

if only... I had friends to go out with. Right now my sole companions are my husband and his sister, and I only see her once a week. I know that I have friends. Sort of. There are friends from my previous job, some of which asked me to go out with them more than once. I almost always turned them down because they don't understand that I'm 5-7 years older than them and that's weird. But there were a few who were closer to my age. There's even one that I still talk to, though we're both shut ins. I could try to arrange going out with one of them on my 'weekend' in the middle of the week when I'm home but my hubby is at work. I could also see about hanging out with someone from my new job, but that makes me nervous because I've only worked with them about 2 months now. (Yes, I'm shy and an introvert)

If only... I wasn't so afraid of the outdoors. Don't get me wrong, I love nature and the woods and all. But there are things that have in the past made me decide it wasn't worth going out. Mosquitos love me. I sunburn very easily. I have this pseudo-fear of being sweaty and gross. The easiest solution to all this is to get over it. Sad but true, the saying applies here. I can use bug spray and sunscreen to ward off the mosquitos and sun (and maybe get a slight tan while I'm at it) and just accept the fact that it's going to be summer soon. It will be hot out. People will expect others to be sweaty. If it bothers me that much, I can shower or at least take a damp cloth and wipe off when I go inside. To encourage myself to get out more, I've been taking a walk twice a week with my husband. We usually walk this loop in the neighborhood with us that is 1.5 miles. It's nice. He's also looking at building me a garden bed. I would require gloves, but I wouldn't mind going outside if it meant the possibility of having fresh produce. :)

Okay, last one.

I'd like to do more creative things
If only...World of Warcraft wasn't so damn addictive. Yes you heard me right. I love playing WoW. Even when I get bored with one character or area, I can go play another one. If I get bored being at the top of the food chain, I can go make a level one and putter around. If I get bored fighting, I can do pet battles (similar to Poke'mon actually) or tend my farm or work on Archaeology or another trade skill. It's fun! My first solution to this is Tuesdays: Patch day. They generally close the game for most of the mornings on Tuesdays, which happens to be one of my days off. I can utilize that time for creative endeavors (or, you know, house work. Ick.) .

If only... I knew what to do. I'm rarely inspired to do much of anything anymore. My first thought is to return to deviantArt and be inspired by the community. My second thought is to look on pinterest for crafty ideas. I've seen some amazing tutorials for making your own clothes out of old clothing and they look great! I have beads in my craft box, I could make necklaces. I have tons of sketchbooks, why not utilize them? If I sit down and make a list (lists are incredibly important to me) of thing to create, I think I can do it. I only need direction.

If only... I had any skill. The only word I have for this: Practice!!

Wow, this was a bit longer than I expected it to be. The 'if onlys' I posted here are things that actually hold me back from these goals. What are your goals? Your if onlys? Your solutions? I'd love to hear if this helped anyone.. I know it's already helping me!

The Importance of Taking a Step Back

Taking a break from writing seems to be a near impossible thing for someone who loves it. I've read many different articles and blog posts advocating for the writer to stop, put down her pen, and take a step back. Surely this is unnecessary for me, I thought. I can be objective. If I take a break, I might lose it. Just like the elusive brilliant thoughts you have as you fall asleep, I could lose the voice, the momentum, the core meaning of this story if I stopped. This bit of advice struck me wherever I went and so finally I made a hard decision.

I stopped.

I didn't write for almost 3 weeks. The story was done anyway, I thought.  It was just revision, it wouldn't be so difficult to pick the strand back up. But then a few days ago I was looking through some journalling I had done last month and came across an idea. As I read the idea (which I had completely forgotten having), I could feel sensors lighting up all across my brain. My heart picked up the pace as I scrambled for a highlighter and pained half the page neon pink. Then I read it again, and again.

This was what I had been waiting for. (Click to Tweet)

With some distance to my story, I realized that I wasn't satisfied with the story. I felt like everything at the end was too rushed, everything tied up too quickly. After reading the idea I'd had and forgotten during a stream-of-thought journalling episode, I realized the story wasn't over. What had to happen next would require slight character revision, the introduction of new characters for a greater purpose, and at least ten more chapters. It wasn't enough for a sequel, but it was enough to satisfy my random dissatisfactions.

I found that taking a break was probably the best thing I could have done. I had been so ensconced in my idea of how the story was working out and what the ending was that I had completely missed this genius idea. I am simultaneously working on new chapters, character development, and going back and tweaking or inserting things when needed in early chapters.

And I've never been more excited.

Now I know that I am not as unbiased as I thought... and that's okay. No one is, when it comes to your own work. All it took for me to pick up my tone was to read through a few chapters. All of my fears were completely unfounded. Once you create something, it is familiar to you. Like the fabled bicycle that everyone remembers how to ride (except me, but that story is for another time), you cannot forget what you have birthed. It is something intimate, a part of you. By giving yourself some distance and taking a break, you're allowing yourself to recharge and come back with fresh ideas and a clear eye.

While this may be just another bit of advice telling you to stop doing what you love, I hope this one explains why in such a way that shows it isn't so scary after all.

Have you ever taken a break and come back the better (or worse) for it? Are you thinking of taking a break? I'd love to hear from you!